Bouncing back. Two little words that have the power to make me feel queasy when life is operating “normally.” They imply that something has gone wrong. That there is work to be done. That time…and patience…are required to get back to level ground. I don’t really like having to bounce back from anything because I don’t really like things going off in the first place. Duh. And I know I’m not alone in this sentiment. But unfortunately for all of us who prefer things to go smoothly, we’re SOL because life has this funny way of throwing us curve balls.
My 2018 started off strong. I adventured like a mad woman, checked items off my bucket list, found joy in every single day and, well, was loving life. But for the past month and a half, I’ve been wading through quick sand and have struggled to maintain the positivity I normally use to guide my life. If I am to speak objectively, nothing has actually been that bad. I got pneumonia. Got mystery bacterial infections. Took medication that wore down my body (and my mind). Visited wonky doctors in sketchy hospitals in far away places. Gained weight. Lost motivation. Faced the disappointment of unmet expectations and generally just started embodying Eyore.
It might seem dramatic but we don’t always live in a state of objectivity and I’m a firm believer that everything is relative. We all have our setbacks and they are valid in the way they compare to our ordinary state of existence. So if you don’t feel comforted when someone says “it could be worse” or “when I was your age I used to walk 10 miles in the snow to get to school, uphill in both directions!”, it’s okay. Your frustration is real if you feel it. Yes, shit happens. But it still sucks.
I’ve spent a lot of time in the past month and a half negotiating how I wanted to approach my setbacks and some days it comes easier than others. After much experimentation, these are my takeaways on how to bounce back without totally losing your mind:
Allow yourself proper time to flip out. When I feel like “everything is going wrong” or that Mercury really has it out for me during retrograde, the last thing I want is someone telling me to chill. So you feel like crying? Yelling? Hitting a pillow? Go for it. Close the door and spazz out. It’s okay to wallow a little in your own frustrations, but give yourself a time limit.
Address the stress. Identify the actual setback (ie: pneumonia, a shitty boss) vs. your reaction to it. I will admit that sometimes I let myself wallow a little too long in my funk and the funk itself becomes a barrier to moving forward. Be honest with yourself about what is truly getting you down and what you might’ve manifested in your frustration.
It might look a little something like this:
Pneumonia. True.
Not exercising because I’m sick. True.
Gaining weight because I’m not exercising but still eating ice cream sundaes. Halfway true.
Feeling insecure because I’ve gained weight and wondering if I’m still loveable. Manifested.
Freaking out at my credit card bill because I indulged in retail therapy while imaging being old and lonely with nothing but cats and wrinkles. Super manifested.
Surrender to your limitations. This is clearly easier said than done but the simple fact is this: there is a process to things and you can’t cut the queue. The second my fever was gone (the first time), I was back in the gym with a full body workout. Two days later, I developed pneumonia. I ignored the process and was sent straight to the back of the line. Whether it’s a broken arm or a break up, you need time to heal. Accept it and embrace it. You will bounce back.
Don’t stop doing you. Just do you differently. For me, the hardest part of getting sick is the inactivity. I am not good at living a stationary life and I use physical activity to clear my mind, relieve stress and fuel up on endorphins. So when the doctor advises nothing more than a light walk for the next few WEEKS, I spazz. But the truth is, there is beauty in this challenge. The inability to stick to our routine forces us to think creatively about how we can get the same pleasure or relief in different ways.
Make a plan. Unless you total cave in to your funk and continue your (read: mine) ice cream binge, you will return to “normal”. Make a plan. Think about where you’re currently where you’re at, where you’d like to be and how to get there. Doing Crossfit after some kick ass flu might not be the best thing, so be smart about your approach. Map out a realistic bounce back path and then get excited. The you you know is just around the corner.