What kind of life could I create if only I were braver?
Stealing a quiet moment to indulge in my (sixth) piece of chocolate and a new book while sitting in the warm October sun, I came across this question: What kind of life could I create if only I were braver? It hit me like a ton of bricks.
I have spent all the days of my short life trying to practice bravery. I have tried to consciously choose to operate from a place of courage rather than fear (or possibly the fear of regret) so that one day I can look back and know that I gave my life my damn best shot. Yet, with this “new normal” we are living, the crisis of the pandemic has ignited too often a crisis within me. A self-doubt, a second guessing, an uncertainty of self that fosters a spiraling negative narrative to take up space where my bravery usually lives.
“Was it stupid to build a resort on a remote island?”
“Should I really have my baby in Spain instead of in California?”
“Was quitting my job all those years ago really the right thing to do?”
“Am I even being a good mom?”
“Maybe I’m not what I thought I was?”
I’m asking myself all sorts of questions. Questions that I know the answer to. Questions that really don’t have any place in my current life because to get to the place I am now, I already asked, analyzed and assessed every angle of those questions before ever even making the decision to do the thing in question.
Now, maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “well, I haven’t lived my life as bravely as I could.” And if that’s what you’re thinking, then I’m really glad you’re here reading this. Because it means that you’re right there, on the cusp, about to live bravely.
Living bravely does not mean living without fear. It doesn’t mean living without hesitation or reservation. It definitely does not mean living without doubt. What it does mean is knowing that there is a truer version of yourself to live, a truer experience to have and chasing after that with all that you’ve got. It means being afraid but doing the real “right” thing anyways, not the “right” thing someone else told you was right. It means dedicating yourself to following your heart, your head and that thing that makes you light up from the inside.
Living bravely does not mean that you have to have it all figured it. Rather, it means living despite not having it all figured out. It means trusting, that with attention and attentiveness towards learning the lessons put in front of you, that you will figure out what you need to. It means making the next right choice. Not all the choices at once, just the choice you need to make right now to get you one step closer to the direction you want to go.
I will warn you about something, though. A few things will happen when you choose to live bravely and they won’t always feel good
- You will probably lose a few friends.
- You will probably feel lonely at times.
- You will probably hear opinions you didn’t ask for. Or if you did, you’ll hear opinions you don’t like/don’t vibe with your choice to be brave.
- You will put your own values into question. Over and over again.
- You will always know what if feels like to not live bravely once you start…and it won’t feel right.
When I was 17 and decided I wanted to move to France, my uncle sat me down and asked me to think clearly about the choice I was about to make. He told me that I would likely lose a lot to gain what mattered most to me. At 17, when I could’ve stubbornly replied, “yeah whatever,” I didn’t. I listened. And let his words soak in.
16 years later, as I am typing this out, I have to say that he was 100% right. As I have chased my dreams with all my might, I lost contact with relations that didn’t support or understand my values. I missed weddings and birthdays as my passions took me to the other side of the world. I have felt some serious FOMO. I have asked myself a thousand times over if I’m living in accordance with my values – and I have learned that values change as we change, and that is totally okay. Actually, it’s great. I have learned to be flexible with myself, how I pursue what ignites me, and inflexible about living with what truly doesn’t inspire me to live my best, biggest and most joyful life.
Shift It Sunday Challenge: Break It Down, Build It Bravely.
Ask yourself this question: what life could I have if I chose to live bravely? Insert anything in place of life – relationship, love, job, experience – to take the first step towards living your life more fully.
Try to imagine in vivid detail what it would look like to live exactly as you dream. What does it feel like? Smell like? What are you wearing? Where are you? What colors surround you? It’s your life/job/relationship/love so be specific about the details.
It’s your life. Your one, big, bad, complex, complicated, beautiful, life. Don’t waste it.
Get brave and do the damn thing.