cultivate, inspiration

skipping ahead: moving past insecurity

No Comments

This is an old photo I would’ve never dared to post. Partly because my ass is hanging out and my mom would likely disapprove, but mostly because I would’ve analyzed every curve, edge and wedgie and decided that it wasn’t good enough.

Standing at the mirror five minutes ago, smushing my postpartum belly together and assessing the fact that the muscle has all but disappeared from my once almost flat abs, I now look at this photo with a completely different set of eyes. It’s funny how simple it all can be, growing. Once you kick out the hate, there is a lot more room to love.

Standing at the mirror five minutes ago, smushing my postpartum belly together, I looked at my own reflection with a different heart. I looked at the body in front of me…and then looked beyond it. Me, the person under the skin, is me. I know her, I know all about her. We’ve been through some shit. And she’s solid. She’s strong. And I like her. I respect her.

Looking in the mirror now, I try to jump as quickly as possible to that last part. I respect her.

In the process of becoming, I have learned that there is no final destination. There is merely evolution, a changing of place, a different manner of being, existing, of taking space. Our minds – and bodies – are a reflection of our movement through time, through life. Doubt and insecurity are things we conjure up along the way. We don’t start off with them (my son’s grinning face never shows shame when I’m wiping literal crap off his thick thighs), but at some point, we welcome them into our hearts and minds with open arms and then struggle to tell them to pack their bags and call Tyrone.

Now, it’s not easy. I know that. Insecurities are clever little things that know how to dig deep and occupy a lot of space. They get into the cracks and corners and make you believe things that are simply just not true. And what’s worse, though you already know this, is that they come from somewhere. Getting past them can be a life’s work but there are a few things that have helped me to skip ahead and move past my own self-doubt.

↠ Remembering that everything gets its 15 minutes of fame. But it doesn’t have to get more than that. Most of the insecurities that take up our time are really banal, petty things that we genuinely won’t care about in the future. Think about some of the things your younger self wasted time worry about. Maybe it was your arm hair? Your nerdy glasses? It is so liberating to recognize when you have moved past a thing. If you’re able to think objectively about where your negative thoughts are going, remind yourself this: you will get past it.

↠ Holding on to my truths. You already are good at a lot of things. You have already accomplished things you are proud of. I’m sure of it. No matter how big or small, identifying and holding onto those truths make building confidence easier. When I’m feeling down about myself, I force myself to say something nice (and true). Some days it takes a little longer for something to come to mind and that’s okay. But you can’t leave until your statement comes to mind. Sort of like the self-care version of sitting at the table until your veggies are all gone.

↠ Cultivate confidence. Get good at something. Or decent. Or just have enough fun that you totally don’t care if you’re good at it or not. And keep doing it. I’ve always been into fitness but I’ve never, ever been able to do a pull-up. During a postpartum-in-front-of-the-mirror-who-am-I pep talk, I decided that it was time to learn to do pull-ups. I got some resistance bands to help hold my weight and even with that, I can only do a couple. But you know what, I feel like a total badass just trying. Eventually, maybe, I’ll be able to do it on my own, but for now, I’m having fun and fun always feels good.

↠ My critic has a name. Yours should, too. Doubtful Diane. She’s a real biatch. She knows just how to knock me down. But now that my self-doubt is personified, I know when she’s coming around and I’m getting really good at knocking her down. Or at least outrunning her.

↠ Giving compliments…and accepting them. Woof, this is a hard one. How many times has someone said something nice to you and you’ve rejected their kindness? Probably a lot. I never really realized how often I did that until someone I loved stopped me and flat out asked me: “Why should I bother telling you how impressive/intelligent/attractive you are to me if you always just shrug me off?” My inside answer was that I didn’t believe those things to be true about myself, however, in time, as I changed my rebuttal with a “thank you” I allowed myself to feel the joy that someone else was trying to give me.

↠ You really, really can’t compare. Everyone says this and they say it because it’s true: you’ve got to stop comparing. I believe that there is a way to objectively measure your own successes against someone else’s in a positive way that helps you grow, however, that’s usually not what’s going on in your mind when you’re feeling self-doubt. Everyone shows up to the table with their own shit. Their own backstory, their own struggles, their own strengths. And even if you have some crossover, it really will never be the same because you inherently are different. Stay in your lane and cheer each other on.

Moving through life, becoming who I am and will be, I know that my doubts will change. The way I think will change. I will take up space in different ways. I will not always care about the things I do right now – I may care more or I might forget about them completely. But what I will do is always try to skip ahead, as fast as possible, to the part where I remember my golden truth: I respect her.

Continue Reading

cultivate, journal

thirty four: balancing expectations + finding flexibility

No Comments

If you don’t bend, you break. These are the words I have been – and will continue – repeating to myself.

If you don’t bend, you break.

2020 was…well, it was. It sure was. It was all the things. It was awful, it was big, it was slow, it was sad, it was joyous, it was enlightening. It was a lot of the things and it was all the things. It took away and it gave back. For all of us, in varying doses. In other words, 2020 was really fucking hard.

For the past twelve months, I have felt like I have been pinned down by an unrideable wave. With my back pushed into the coral, eyes unsure whether to look around at the bright colors around me or upwards towards the surface I can’t seem to reach. For brief moments, I’ve caught my breathe, my lips barely touching the air before plummeting back under the pressure of the white water. Every second of those moments are filled with confusion and contemplation: there is profound beauty always mixed in with the darkness of the unknown.

Perhaps what I am describing sounds like depression, but it’s not that. It’s living a life without anchors. It’s wandering in a space that you weren’t sure ever existed. For the past year, I have often felt like I am not in my own life. Instead, someone else’s life. A life I didn’t sign up for, one that isn’t objectively all that bad. Just definitely not what I had expected for myself.

This year has given and it has taken away.

Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to give birth without my the support of my mother.
But I did.
Never had I imagined laboring in a language I could hardly understand.
But I did.
Never did I think I’d spend three months of my life locked in the confines of a small city apartment without the chance to leave for fresh air.
But I did.
Never would I have pour my life savings, heart and soul into building a business I love only to shut down months later amidst a global pandemic.
But I did.
Never, ever, ever could I have fathomed keeping my son away from the love of my family because it was dangerous.
But I did.

Why am I sharing this? Because this is real life. And real life happens. And it doesn’t always feel good. And sometimes, it feels really good and really bad…at the same time. 2020 robbed me in so many ways of the life I have worked hard to create for myself. I have the perspective to understand my own privilege, but this isn’t about that. This is about knowing what you want, working hard for what you want, setting goals and expectations…and nothing working out as planned…and what to do when that happens.

With the changing of the year, I also changed my own year and rang in the big ol’ 34. Thirty-four. Just reading the letters spelled out feels different. I am thirty-four. When did that happen? In the span of the past 365 days a lot has changed, every single thing feels different because every single thing is different. This is a fact. What else I know to be true is that 2021 holds no promise to be better, different, worse or otherwise. We are continuing our path into the unknown. So what are you supposed to do with that?!

The type-A in me has a new planner by November each year, with ambitions, goals, projects and plans already filled in for the year to come. I love building something to look forward to and I passionately work on the sharp corners of myself with yearly intentions. But this year I’m doing things a little differently. Thirty-four year old new mom slightly wiser Gina is going to do it differently. Why? Because if you don’t bend, you break. I’ll admit it: 2020 broke me. And from it, I intend to grow again.

2021, or 34, is the year I intend to practice increased flexibility in all aspects of my life. Learning how to create expectations without holding on to them (woof, my mother has been telling me to do this basically my entire life…#lifeswork) will be the grease between the joints. Expectations are the baseline we set for ourselves, and they’re a good thing, but they’re also a slippery slope. They help us to measure our own successes, our own values, but they’re also a source of great disappointment when they’re not exactly as we had in mind.

I have absolutely no clue what is in store for me this year and planning it out seems a little pointless. Waiting for that moment or that change of tides is equally pointless. I will live my life in shorter moments, stretching out the days, looking around at the beauty and the chaos with a healthier balance of curiosity and contentment. This year, I will (try, let’s be honest, I’ll try) commit to being more flexible with myself, my expectations, the outcomes of my efforts, the efforts I make and how I choose to allow them to define me.

Wish me luck. I know it won’t be easy.

To bending, breaking, growing and glowing,

Happy 2021! Or 34 😉

 

Continue Reading

cultivate, inspiration

shift it sunday: break it down, build it bravely.

No Comments

What kind of life could I create if only I were braver?

Stealing a quiet moment to indulge in my (sixth) piece of chocolate and a new book while sitting in the warm October sun, I came across this question: What kind of life could I create if only I were braver? It hit me like a ton of bricks.

I have spent all the days of my short life trying to practice bravery. I have tried to consciously choose to operate from a place of courage rather than fear (or possibly the fear of regret) so that one day I can look back and know that I gave my life my damn best shot. Yet, with this “new normal” we are living, the crisis of the pandemic has ignited too often a crisis within me. A self-doubt, a second guessing, an uncertainty of self that fosters a spiraling negative narrative to take up space where my bravery usually lives.

“Was it stupid to build a resort on a remote island?”

“Should I really have my baby in Spain instead of in California?”

“Was quitting my job all those years ago really the right thing to do?”

“Am I even being a good mom?”
“Maybe I’m not what I thought I was?”

I’m asking myself all sorts of questions. Questions that I know the answer to. Questions that really don’t have any place in my current life because to get to the place I am now, I already asked, analyzed and assessed every angle of those questions before ever even making the decision to do the thing in question.

Now, maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “well, I haven’t lived my life as bravely as I could.” And if that’s what you’re thinking, then I’m really glad you’re here reading this. Because it means that you’re right there, on the cusp, about to live bravely.

Living bravely does not mean living without fear. It doesn’t mean living without hesitation or reservation. It definitely does not mean living without doubt. What it does mean is knowing that there is a truer version of yourself to live, a truer experience to have and chasing after that with all that you’ve got. It means being afraid but doing the real “right” thing anyways, not the “right” thing someone else told you was right. It means dedicating yourself to following your heart, your head and that thing that makes you light up from the inside.

Living bravely does not mean that you have to have it all figured it. Rather, it means living despite not having it all figured out. It means trusting, that with attention and attentiveness towards learning the lessons put in front of you, that you will figure out what you need to. It means making the next right choice. Not all the choices at once, just the choice you need to make right now to get you one step closer to the direction you want to go.

I will warn you about something, though. A few things will happen when you choose to live bravely and they won’t always feel good

  • You will probably lose a few friends.
  • You will probably feel lonely at times.
  • You will probably hear opinions you didn’t ask for. Or if you did, you’ll hear opinions you don’t like/don’t vibe with your choice to be brave.
  • You will put your own values into question. Over and over again.
  • You will always know what if feels like to not live bravely once you start…and it won’t feel right.

When I was 17 and decided I wanted to move to France, my uncle sat me down and asked me to think clearly about the choice I was about to make. He told me that I would likely lose a lot to gain what mattered most to me. At 17, when I could’ve stubbornly replied, “yeah whatever,” I didn’t. I listened. And let his words soak in.

16 years later, as I am typing this out, I have to say that he was 100% right. As I have chased my dreams with all my might, I lost contact with relations that didn’t support or understand my values. I missed weddings and birthdays as my passions took me to the other side of the world. I have felt some serious FOMO. I have asked myself a thousand times over if I’m living in accordance with my values – and I have learned that values change as we change, and that is totally okay. Actually, it’s great. I have learned to be flexible with myself, how I pursue what ignites me, and inflexible about living with what truly doesn’t inspire me to live my best, biggest and most joyful life.

Shift It Sunday Challenge: Break It Down, Build It Bravely.

Ask yourself this question: what life could I have if I chose to live bravely? Insert anything in place of life – relationship, love, job, experience – to take the first step towards living your life more fully.

Try to imagine in vivid detail what it would look like to live exactly as you dream. What does it feel like? Smell like? What are you wearing? Where are you? What colors surround you? It’s your life/job/relationship/love so be specific about the details.

It’s your life. Your one, big, bad, complex, complicated, beautiful, life. Don’t waste it.
Get brave and do the damn thing.

Continue Reading

cultivate

jack nicholson’s hairline and other thoughts on confidence.

No Comments

I woke up this morning, looked in the mirror and saw a giant “Welcome to Motherhood” sign flashing right before my eyes. I had officially join the Jack’s Temple Club and I wasn’t thrilled about it.

What is the JTC, you might be asking? It’s this super inclusive club for new mothers who suddenly sport a bit more scalp where a lot more hair used to be…most notably along the temples of the hairline. As inclusive as it is – they say nearly 100% of postpartum women qualify to join – I had hoped, prayed and honestly thought I – and my thick long mermaid locks – would be spared.

Wrong.

I did get a little clue that my invitation might be coming when I went to the hair salon for a post-quarantine trim and the hair stylist mentioned how thin my hair was. Since she was speaking in Spanish and my level is still evolving, I obviously brushed it off as a miscommunication. I mean, obviously.

Wrong.

Welcome to motherhood.

One of the many things I have learned lately is that we must truly come to terms with how we choose to define beauty and more importantly, where we extract our confidence from. If my confidence lived in my hairline, it would be screwed right now. Thank god, I have a few other reserves to pull from. I did the work – rather, I do the work (constantly and repeatedly), to cultivate positive narratives that empower me to move through my days with more confidence. And it is work. Because some days, especially when the hairline is looking a little weak, I have to try a little harder to remember what makes me me…and why that’s worth something.

6 practices for building confidence and feeling good:

  1. Get up, stand up. No, really. Right now. How are you standing? Where are your shoulders? Is your core engaged? What are you doing with your arms? It might not seem relevant but confidence starts in the way we carry ourselves physically in the world. Your body language is a crystal-clear non-verbal communicator of how you perceive yourself and in turn, how others will perceive you. You’ve never seen Obama slouching during a speech, have you? Nope. So stand tall, take up space and be present.
  2. Build up others. It costs nothing and means everything when someone takes a moment to say or do something nice. When it’s honest (because everyone can tell when you’re full of it), a kind word goes a long way. Be kind, practice compassion and engage with the people around you. When you make someone else feel good, you will feel good, too.
  3. Know your values. When I was in elementary school I made a list (a long list) of the traits my dream man would possess. I was hardly out of diapers but I had a strong sense of what I valued in a person (particularly in Batman, whom I thought to be the end all be all). Turns out, 30 odd years later, many of those things haven’t changed. Knowing what you value in others is a reflection of what you value in yourself. Identify the characteristics that you appreciate, which you possess and practice behavior that helps you live by those values. You will never be exactly the same as that person you admire, but by tuning into what you truly find important, you’ll find that you will become a person you admire.
  4. Cultivate resilience. When that negative voice comes knocking and fills your head with nonsense, what are the most common things you hear? What are the things you repeatedly tell yourself? Try to get a clear understanding of what you’re telling yourself so that you can cultivate a healthier, more honest response to that bitchy voice. Remind yourself of something you’ve accomplished, something you’re proud of, something you like about yourself and kick that Negative Nancy to the curb.
  5. Focus on your strengths. Studies show that working on skills you’re already good at (as opposed to trying to improve your weaknesses) actually improves your skillset overall. As a person who despises spreadsheets and cries in the supermarket trying to figure out the discount I should be getting on the bundles of kale, I am really all about this advice. Now, this isn’t to say to completely abandon areas of your life that could use improvement, but rather, build your confidence through what you’re already good at. Focus on what you love, what you enjoy and what comes naturally to you and the rest will follow with a lot less friction.
  6. Reframe your perspective. Here’s the thing: you’re going to make mistakes. You’re not always going to be the best. You will do things you regret. These are facts of life and they won’t change, no matter how hard you try to avoid them. So instead of naysaying yourself and talking yourself out of striving for what you want or think you deserve, remember that you only get this one life to do it all. And you can do it all. But you have to try. The next time you start to fill with doubt and ask yourself “why bother?” take a breath and try this instead: “why not?“

Confidence is a daily practice. The ebbs and flows, ups and downs of life provide constant opportunities to feel like we’re just not good enough. But each of these moments are also opportunities to feel empowered, to remember how far we’ve come and to prove to ourselves just how amazing we are for being just where we are. So stand up tall, take up space and shift your perspective. You’re amazing. I know it. And deep down, you do, too.

Continue Reading

cultivate

shift it sunday: happiness is hard

No Comments

While singing a really ridiculous invented song to my son yesterday in a desperate attempt to stop him from crying, my exhausted mind stumbled across an epiphany. Happiness is hard.

In our modern society, we hold the shared belief that happiness is a human right and that feeling joy is something we deserve in our lives just as much as a roof over our heads and food on our plates. What we don’t often talk about is the work it takes to achieve it. We know well the consequences of our hard work in other aspects of our lives and willingly spend the vast majority of our time dedicated towards these aims. We painstakingly work long hours to pay the rent on our apartments, tackle challenging projects to get promotions, follow strict budgets to plan for our next holiday and subsist on juices made of green vegetables to cleanse our colons and have glowing skin. But what about joy? How did we manage to think we’d get by without putting any effort into that one?

Research show that our propensity towards happiness, like obesity or depression, lives in our genes. That some of us are hardwired to feel joy a little more easily. Knowing this, it would be simple to write off our dissatisfaction with life as a matter of pulling DNA’s short stick. But that just seems pretty lame to me. We all deserve to feel joy, right?

Living a feel good life doesn’t mean living a life that feels good all the time. It means that you are an actively creating a life you love to live and (practicing) seeing things through a more positive lens more often than not. That doesn’t sound impossible, right? Well, good. Because it’s not. But it isn’t necessarily easy. It is, however, well worth the work and definitely within your reach.

It’s quite likely that if you’re reading this, you’re 1) not entirely satisfied with your life and/or 2) you don’t always wear rose colored glasses. No worries. I don’t either! Why? Because the pursuit of a feel good life, the pursuit of happiness, is all about a shift in perspective. And that shift takes work. It takes conscious and continuous action, day in and day out. Even, and especially, when you don’t feel like it.

So how do we get there? We shift.

Shift It Sunday Challenge: create new habits to rewire your brain.

It might sound hokey but it’s not: practicing gratitude and kindness actually make you feel good. So that’s what we’re about this week. For the next seven days – yes, every single day – challenge yourself to:

  • write down/tweet/meditate on/fill in the blanks three things that you happened during your day that made you feel good
  • do something nice – help a stranger, buy the coffee for the guy behind you, hype up a friend you know is feeling down, call your mom. Up to you!

Even when we know what will make us feel good, we often don’t make it a priority and the feel bad spiral continues. This week, shift your priorities to shift your perspective.
It’ll feel good, I promise.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, the song went like this:
Mama and Mini went to the beach
Mama and Mini swam in the sea
and now? and now?
Mama and Mini are gooooooing hoooooome!!

Continue Reading

cultivate, inspiration

Why you don’t do what you say you want to do…and how to find the motivation to do it

No Comments

Motivation is like a moving train, it comes and it goes. Sometimes so quickly you don’t have time to hop on board. Other times you’re chasing after it, sweat beads dripping through your cute silk shirt. And if you’re lucky, you’re settled comfortably in your window seat, cruising through, enjoying the scenery of the ride.

From this train analogy, you might deduce that motivation is all about timing. But it’s not. Not really. Sure, sometimes you’re in just the right mood, just the perfect mental state to be open and ready for the motivation train to pick you up. But usually, motivation is about what you’re doing, not what you’re waiting for. This revelation came to me while I was waiting at the station, looking around, wondering where the hell my motivation was. Quite literally waiting. Clock ticking. Days went by. Weeks. Then months. How many tears I cried waiting for it to come. How is this happening to me? I am so full of great ideas. There are so many things I want to do. I’m a go-getter damnit. Where the hell is my motivation to actually do what I say I want to do?! Why meeee?!?!

And then. One morning it hit me. Whatever I was (or wasn’t, truth be told) doing, clearly wasn’t working. Suddenly it became equally obvious that I just needed to do something differently. Actually (truth be told), I just needed to do something. Anything, really. Just to get me moving again.

Now, if you’ve ever been lost, you know that without some sort of indicator or landmark, you feel pretty helpless and confused taking a step in any direction. You really have no clue where you are so how do you know where to go? (If you’re thinking “I’d Google it”, try to imagine a time before the smart phone, smart ass.) But if you’re on vacation, having a walkabout with an ice cream in hand, getting lost is exactly what you want to do. You enjoy it. You take in new things, stop and look around, people watch, observe…and eventually you find yourself on the path to wherever you were meant to go.

That’s the same thing with motivation. If you’re waiting for it, swimming in the lack of it, you feel helpless and confused. But if you move and take action in any direction, you will quickly find clarity in what your next step should be. Once you know where you’re headed, you’ll be excited to get there and next thing you know, you’ve got yourself a first class ticket on the Motivation Express.

Setting my intention for this month, I had only one thing in mind: take action. As I’ve already explained, action ignites motivation. Motivation fuels inspiration. Inspiration ignites more action. You get the gist. So how did I go from my cemented, stuck-where-I-stood stationary panic to Motivated Mary in three weeks? Baby steps. But steps. Some things that worked for me:

    1. Understanding my goals/wants/desires. I have about five billion different ideas rolling by like tumbleweeds in my head at any given moment. Most of them are things I want to do, achieve, or learn. This is a good thing, it keeps me feeling excited about life…until it becomes overwhelming. If this resonates with you, grab a pen and paper and write down every single one of your goals/wants/to-do list brain occupying space things. Every single one. Then immediately mark which ones are the most exciting to do and write down why. Digging into your why will help you understand your real motivation. You might learn that the thing you think you want doesn’t really matter that much to you at all. Or at the very least, that it’s not that important to you right now.

    2. Giving myself one job. I am a 0-60, all or nothing kind of girl. Or I was. Until I burnt out. Now, I’m more of a I-really-better-want-this-and-be-so-absolutely-stoked-about-it-or-I-certainly-won’t-give-it-my-all kind of girl. Each week, I give myself one action item per goal that I can actually get done. Now before you start getting judgy, this isn’t a cop-out on hard work. It’s a simple and effective way to build momentum towards change – change being actually going after that goal. It also gives time to gather more clarity on which direction to make your next move. Plus, actually getting things done feels so much better than seeing another huge to-do list left undone. You’ll probably feel inspired to keep going. Just wait and see. No, don’t wait. Just do and see!

    3. Draw the correlation. I’m a curious girl and I need to know my why. Understanding how that small step is going to impact your larger goal is mission critical. You need to truly find value in each part of the process to fuel the motivation to keep moving. Sometimes just wanting to do something isn’t enough. You might need to feel a little validation for your own effort for making a change and that’s all good. Praise yo’self.

    4. Don’t focus on the effort. Speaking of effort, try not to think about it. Yes, we live in a meritocracy where we are told that if we work hard enough, if we roll up our sleeves and get down and dirty in our work, we will achieve our goals. Now, I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but sometimes it’s the exact thing that stops you from climbing higher. When I look back at my achievements I’m most proud of, I certainly give a nod to the effort I put in to get my goal. Hell yeah, I worked hard. But in the moment it’s easy to be deterred from continuing the effort when you feel the weight of how hard it actually is. What do I mean? Well, let’s say you want to lose 50 pounds. Girl, that’s going to be hard. I mean, you’ll have to put in the work. But focusing on how hard it is/going to be is the quickest way to halt your progress. Instead, turn your focus on those crossed out action items, the things you did do and how awesome it feels to actually take steps towards where you want to be.

So what am I saying here? Do something. Something you want to do. Something that gets you one step closer to the places you are in your day dreams. It’s true that it might not be the right time for everything, but it’s the right time for something. And you’ve got time for something. Take it. It’s yours.

If you’re feeling gung-ho, sweet. I did my job! If you’re feeling gung-ho and now looking for the next step, reach out. I’ve got an exercise that will light the motivation fire right under that groovy booty of yours.

Continue Reading

cultivate

it’s time to cultivate YOUR feel good life

2 Comments

I will never forget the exact moment I knew I was going to take a different life path. Walking into the barre studio, ready to teach a group of women pouring in from their long days at the office, I was in a funk. I had spent the afternoon drowning in some self-hate talk, having a “fat” day and a seriously bad hair day that no bun could fix. Just as I entered my class and saw these women there, motivated and ready for a serious booty kicking, my entire mood changed. No matter what day they had had, they showed up for themselves. They were there to do the work. And they were looking at me to show them how…and I couldn’t have felt better about doing exactly that.

I spent some time after that figuring out how I could spread my passion for a feel good life beyond the mirrored walls of my San Francisco studio and it was a few months later I found my answer. Sitting in the surf line up just before sunset on a little island in the Philippines, it hit me. Happiness lives everywhere. It is a portable thing you can pack and take anywhere. But sometimes a change of scenery helps you find out where you left it. And this little island was the perfect place.

So now, here I am. Typing these words from a little beach hut watching the surf, feeling really damn good…and I’d like to invite you join me. I found my feel good life and I’d like to help you find yours.

This October, join me and the lovely Andy from No Shoes No Worries for a week of wellness, self-love, sun and surf in paradise. Grab your bikini, put your game face on and come to Siargao Island and cultivate YOUR feel good life.

For more information and to grab your spot in paradise, click here.

 

 

Continue Reading

sweat

sweat challenge: new year, new booty!

No Comments

I am a procrastinator. A royal, class A procrastinator. I justify my tendency for putting things off until later with the fact that I tend to work better under pressure. And though that might in part be true, I also must admit (to myself) that I often struggle to find the motivation to get a head start…unless it comes to exercise. That is one thing I will always prioritize. Without it, I am a grump…and that just doesn’t feel good.

With 2019 right around the corner (what happened to 2018 anyways?!), I thought it a good time to get a head start on my healthy resolutions. In the same way that wearing cute workout pants motivates you to go to the gym, having a nice butt encourages you to keep it that way! I have decided to start my 2019 off on a stronger, rounder, more powerful step and close out 2018 feeling great.

Are you with me?!

Starting TODAY, you (or at least I) will enter the new year with a new booty.

The challenge: Each day of December, I will post a squat variation from the calendar above on Instagram. Starting with 100 reps, we will add one rep each day of the month (ie: December 25th, you will do 125 reps). Break up the reps as you need to – completing them all in one go, taking rests or even doing half in the morning and half at night. Up to you, just get ’em done!

Share your post-squat selfie on Instagram stories and tag me, @cactusandthewave, and I will enter you in a drawing to win some of my favorite feel life goodies including Vital Proteins collagen peptides, Schmidt’s Natural Deodorant and Rx Protein Bars!

Continue Reading

cultivate

goals vs intentions: why i set intentions…and why you should, too

No Comments

If you spend any time at all scrolling through Instagram, you’re bound to stumble upon a motivational quote or two. Chances are it will be about new opportunities, chasing dreams, achieving goals…unless you’re one of those people that only looks up dog memes and dad jokes…#nojudgementzone…well, maybe a little ; ). I, personally, am a sucker for Insta-inspiration. Little doses of wisdom that keep me going throughout the day. But what’s even better than taking in someone else’s hard-earned lessons?  Earning your own.

With change, comes challenge. With struggle, comes growth. These, my friends, are facts of life. Facts I’ve picked up along the way as I carve the path to my own feel good life. And along my path, I’ve realized that there is something big to know about in achieving a feel good life, and that is that goals are not the same things as intentions…and differentiating them is a big help in achieving success in both.

Goals vs. Intentions
When we think of goals, we tend to think of them as something in the future, something we need to work towards but haven’t attained yet. Goals are the big objectives that drive us through hard times, shitty days and boring adult to-do lists we’d rather ignore but can’t if we really want to achieve said goal. Goal-setting is important. It helps us identify what we want and provides the framework for getting what we want. However, as it projects us into our future selves, it takes us out of enjoying our present selves…and creates a pressure to achieve our objectives immediately. That pressure is often overwhelming, distracting and quite frankly, sets us back from achieving any forward motion at all. It removes the “the adventure is in the journey” part of goal-getting and takes away the fun in progress.

Intentions on the other hand are exactly that: something we intend to do. We are not so deeply attached to the outcome of our intentions. We acknowledge by their very name that they are efforts, things we are trying to do. This subtle difference plays a powerful impact on how we interact with these objectives. Intention-setting removes some of the stress around failure and puts us more into the present moment of our lives. If the goal is to lose 20 pounds, it’s safe to say that change won’t happen overnight. But setting a micro-goal, an intention, to start the day off with a healthy breakfast…that most certainly can happen immediately.

Intentions are the micro-goals that put us on track to achieving our big goals. They are an opportunity to make immediate and impactful change in the current version of ourselves. Who doesn’t love a little instant gratification?!

Intention-setting
Each month, I make a short list of things I intend to do or change.* I reflect on what went well the month before, what didn’t, and what small things I can do moving forward to make me feel better in the three aspects of my feel good life. Throughout the month, I check-in with myself to see how I am doing and make an honest assessment of my efforts in achieving my intentions. If they’re not being met, maybe I need to rethink my approach. If they are, awesome. High five to me. I’m one step closer to the big goal.

I also love to make a daily intention during my morning meditation or workout to set the tone for my day. It can be something as simple as “drink a glass of water every hour” or something slightly more difficult like “reframe challenges as a positive opportunities“. I notice that the days I set intentions, I am generally more optimistic, more empowered and more motivated to tackle whatever the day has to throw at me!

For me, intention-setting is critical to the cultivation of a FEEL GOOD life. It empowers me to be an active player in my own life by (gently) forcing me to take the reigns of what I personally can control.

Do you set intentions? Daily? Weekly? Monthly? If not, I dare you to give it a try! Just a month…and see how good it feels to get your glow!

*About the “short” part: intentions work best when they require minimal effort. This does not mean that you can be lazy and make change – because you can’t. It means that being realistic about your objectives makes it easier to obtain them. Maybe you only have one intention per month. That is totally okay. Only you know what you can truly take on. That’s something to respect, not criticize!

 

Continue Reading

nourish

food fight: three superfood recipes you can wear

No Comments

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been in a food fight.

Well, if your mom was anything like mine and considered eating in the bedroom grounds for punishment, chances are your hand is lingering low, too. I watched summer camp movies and It Takes Two more times than I can count, jealously watching pre-teens chucking handfuls of spaghetti at each other. But in our house, cleanliness was king and, according to my mother, throwing food at my annoying little sister was simply not clean.

Fast forward 18 years and I can safely say that there are big downsides to not living with your parents. Paying your own rent, buying your own groceries, knowing that literally no one will clean up after you…ever. However, there are also some perks to adulting, and for me, one of those perks is playing with my food.

We all know the benefits of following a healthy lifestyle, of eating our greens and drinking enough water. But did you know that the same Superfoods that fuel you from the inside also work magic on the outside? Yup. Beauty may come from within but it doesn’t hurt to help out a bit. ; ) Here are a few of my favorite #selfcare recipes that make you look good and feel good!

Coconut Coffee Booty Scrub

Okay, this scrub isn’t actually just for your booty. But(t) in recent months I have had some unwanted visitors (cough cough cellulite cough cough) setting up camp on my lower half and I have now shamelessly joined the millions of women who search for cellulite reduction on Google. My coconut coffee body scrub does just that. Caffeine helps increase blood flow and circulation, reducing the appearance of cellulite as well as energizing the body from the outside in! The gentle exfoliant of the coffee grounds and sugar help to brighten your skins natural glow and smell absolutely delicious.

  • 1 cup used coffee grounds*
  • 1/2 cup coconut sugar
  • 1/4 – 1/3 cup coconut oil – depending on your desired consistency

Mix ingredients in a small jar or glass container and voila! Ready to use or store for up to a week. Gently scrub from head to toe in circular motions towards the heart to greater improve circulation. I would highly suggest not using this in the evening as it can provide quite an energy buzz!
*You can use fresh grounds if you do not drink coffee but if you’re making a cup of joe, might as well put the used grounds to use!

Rose Matcha Detox Mask

The matcha hype is nothing new. It’s centuries old, actually, and for very good reason. Matcha is jam-packed with antioxidants, contains memory-boosting amino acids as well as detoxifying chlorophyll that helps fight wrinkles and repairs and energizes damaged skin cells. Mixed with rose water and bentonite clay – another ancient times heavy hitter – you’re also reducing redness, irritation and detoxifying the body through it’s largest organ: the skin.

  • 3 tbsp betonite clay powder
  • 1/2 tbsp matcha powder
  • 4 tbsp rose water – add more/less to achieve desired consistency
  • Few drops of vitamin E oil

In a non-metal bowl mix the powders with a non-metal spoon (the volcanic clay reacts with metal, pulling metal into your detoxifying mixture and reducing the healing properties of the clay). Add in rose water (drinking water is fine, too) to your desired consistency and top off with a few drops of vitamin E oil. Apply mask in an out and upward motion and let sit until dry. Wash off with warm water, pat dry and hydrate with your favorite moisturizing oil.

Coconut Hair Mask

I used to live on a sailboat and out of all the things that one might find to be difficult, the beauty issue I struggled with the most was managing my dried out, salt-soaked, sun-kissed locks. Yeah, boat hair don’t care sounds cool and all…until it isn’t…and you’re dealing with crispy, funky hair that goes down to your butt. With limited access to resources (aka fancy conditioner or a salon), I added longevity to my mermaid mane with coconut oil.

  • 4 tbsp extra virgin coconut oil (or whatever you can scrape out of a mature coconut you let sit in the sun)
  • Your favorite essential oil (optional)

If using an essential oil, mix your go-to scent (I use lavender or lemongrass!) and the coconut oil in a small container or the palm of your hand. Massage oil mixture into your hair from the base of your neck down. If you’re experiencing dryness, you can add to your scalp as well. Tie hair up in a bun or out of your face and let sit 30 min to overnight. The longer the better, but you know your hair best. When I leave it in overnight, I sleep with a towel on my pillow or a super sexy shower cap on my head to protect my sheets. Wash it out as normal and be sure to really rub in your shampoo to fully remove oil.

Do you have any wearable Superfood recipes to share? I’d love to hear ’em!

Continue Reading